“THE WHIRLPOOL OF GRIEF”

Dr. Richard Wilson devised the “Whirlpool of Grief” (Note 1) to illustrate what happens with grief and our responses to trauma. The person is boating on the River of Life, when they are suddenly plunged over the “Waterfall of Bereavement.” Following the shock of the traumatic event, they fall into the “Whirlpool of Grief.”

 

He describes the Whirlpool where the person experiences the “Breakdown,” which is defined as a falling apart. “The Breakdown” lies in the Whirlpool itself. “All Washed Up” is the exhausted person landing on the shore. “On the Rocks,” at the edge of the Whirlpool, is where the pain of the loss hits us – physically and emotionally. The “Banks of the River” is where they feel stuck and unable to go anywhere.

 

People have different types of boats that can or cannot withstand the waterfall. Sometimes they have to remain on the Banks and repair their fragile boat. They may wade out in shallow water to test the boat multiple times. This is a part of mourning.

 

As people mourn and accept the new reality, they move to the lower part of the river. Navigating through this reality, they will find themselves on a new stream. This placid stream is a tributary of the River of Life. This process reminds everyone that “we are all sailors on the seas of fate.” Some are better sailors, but everyone has to navigate the River of Life.

 

The Whirlpool of Grief can be reflected in Alchemy. There are various processes to undergo before you can bring the Philosopher Stone into being. Translating the relevant ones (Note 2) into a grief line – the first phase is shock, then tears, and finally self-examination. You experience the shock, and then you re-enter the grief which brings the pain to the surface. After experiencing the emotions, you separate them. This is the time of self-examination which results in discernment and ownership. Sorting through the pain, you separate who you are from who you are not.

 

Moving forward with courage is not something that anyone automatically does. My brain injury brought me this understanding. I experienced the Waterfall of Bereavement with losing my old self. Anubis, one of the Egyptian Gods of the Dead, helped me through this. As I wandered the World of the Dead not knowing where or what I was, Anubis led me to the Banks of the River to regroup. It was there that I separated who I was from who I wasn’t. As Dr. Wilson said, “Bereavement is what happens to you; grief is what you feel; mourning is what you do.”

 

Notes:

Note 1. Dr. Richard Wilson, a pediatrician, devised the Whirlpool of Grief to help parents grieve for their deceased children. The Whirlpool represented the emotional upheaval and disorganization (anger, guilt, sadness) that follows the traumatic death. He diagramed the states that person goes through until they find themselves in calmer waters. His diagram can be seen here: Coping with loss and bereavement – Counselling in your Community. https://inyourcommunity.org.uk/2017/10/12/coping-with-loss-and-bereavement/

 

Note 2. The relevant processes are (1) Calcination: heating the material to drive out impurities. (shock) (2) Dissolution: applying water to wash the remaining ash to be in a purer state. (tears) (3) Separation: filtering the dissolved substance. (self-examination)

 

Suggested Reading:

“Different After You,” Michele Neff Hernandez

“From Beginning to End: The Rituals of Ourselves,” Rev. Robert Fulghum